back to school and a few cards...finally

the kids went back to school this week. i went back to creating, cleaning...and a little more calm. :)

we had a long good summer. busy, but good busy. i am glad its back to school. i've always loved the routine that school gives our days in the fall, it is usually very needed after the chaos of summer days. so far- we have all been able to get up and out the door without any problems. so happy about that. :)

i really hope my kids have a good school year. Logan is in 5th grade and the girls are in 7th & 8th. our last year with an elementary schl kid. next year i will have 2 middle schoolers and a highschooler. jeez. it amazes me that my children get older each year. there are moments when i look at them, and instead of seeing these tweens, and teen...i am seeing their baby or toddler faces....and so i just can't understand how that sweet baby could be gone to yearbook camp, or playing guitar, or wrestling some kid at mma...

i am so happy that i still get to stay at home with them and cherish all these moments. we have more than enough drama, but i feel so blessed to be a part of the routine of their every day lives.

i took a pic of each of them as they slipped out the door on their first day back to school...happy shiny faces all around.

and here are a few cards i have worked on recently. and more to come. i have promised myself at least an hour of creating time each day once i get my cleaning done. so far i've kept up with both-- i love when that happens. :)

xoxo

sweet kids

my three sweeties just came back from a week long overnight camp trip for military kids. totally fun and exciting. all three said, it was the BEST week of their life. :)

i am so happy they got to experience such adventures.

they are still thinking of things to talk about. and even calling and texting (and visiting) friends they made up there from other states. just so so cool.

north bay summer camp is an amazing place with really cool counselors and staff. i thank them again here for doing such a great job caring for & exploring the outdoors with my children. and for making a whole group of military kids feel beyond special. i can't wait to develop their disposable cameras to see their time through their perspective.

happy anniversary to my handsome

* alex always gives silly faces in pictures- esp. with me in it, cause thats just the way he rolls. this is his trying to look girlie and sweet face. :)

today we celebrate so many many years of love and craziness. i wouldn't want it any other way. he can piss me off to the point of rage, and melt my heart with just a look. he never remembers to buy gifts on special days, but he will show up with a lil chocolate somehow knowing just when i need it. he calls me silly names like tiny, and shanicqua, and b-nasty (that on is the silliest cause it just doesn't apply- which is why he loves it and even sent me a shirt from iraq that said b nasty on the front & team williams on the back).

he does things like making that shirt for me...little ways to show me he loves me. he never cleans ANYTHING. i mean anything -in the house. ever. dishes? no. bathrooms? no, ever nothing. BUT he does do ALL the yardwork outside if he is home and that is an even exchange (mostly) for the outside, cause i really hate yard work. he comes to my rescue after i call him crying when i find that one of the dogs has killed an animal... like when he came home from a 4 day survival army thing in the middle of who knows where- sleep deprived and had to dispose of the mother possum and her opened belly containing lil babies that crawled up to our front tree and died...

he always takes my side with kid issues ( i wish i did this better myself). i always learn something new from him- like last night he told me he really hates the word lap. hmm...i never knew that about him. :)

i love that he is 6'4 255 (plus on occasion) and i will ALWAYS look smaller next to him regardless of how much weight ive gained. :) he is the best guy i know even with a bit of a temper. gosh i could go on and on really.

he is so good at his army job-and he loves what he does. i am proud of him and he is proud of himself. it is an honor to be married to a such a good soldier. i love how everyone flocks to him. he makes friends so easily. guys just want to hang out with him, its funny cause i am such the opposite. he is the social butterfly and i am so shy and awkward. i good pair i guess. i love that he sings when he is home. he cant sing worth a darn, but i love hearing him. i usually tell him to stop, but he doesn't. and i don't really want him to. when he is gone, i miss hearing him the most. i love that he tries to push me to be better. he always has dreams and goals and he wants the same for me. i love how he takes the kids biking or the the gym with him on the weekends, giving them time together and me some solo time. i love that he is so happy watching ufc all the time and can share the mma stuff with logan. he is literally fearless and it amazes me constantly. i love how he teaches the girls to be strong and not afraid of anything. i love how he walks into the kitchen and puts me in some sort of arm bar or hold. i love how he talks boy stuff with logan so easily-cause im just so girlie for all that. i love how he makes fun of the things i love- cause its his way of showing me he knows what i love- and loves me back. i love most that he believes in me to care for everything, the house, the kids, the bills and know i can handle it all so he can focus on his stuff. and i love how when i cant handle it all he comes in just when i need him. i love that we can sit and laugh together at all the crazy silly things we experience as a family. cause we have so many stories. things just happen to us, chaos follows us all the time and its good we can laugh about it. :) so much to say about loving him.

its funny that i met him at 18 and i just turned 36 a few days ago...we've been together so long. and it makes me so happy to say that.

so happy love day to us.

time

time seems to have a way of getting away from me. hours turn into days that turn into weeks and next thing i know, i have stumbled into the end or middle of a new month without knowing what the heck i have been doing with my time.

i have SO MUCH i want to do, and then the list of what i actually do is rather small in comparison. my blog being one. its so lame and boring. i wouldn't even want to come back here and read it. i leave it on with the hopes that i will get my butt in gear and surprise myself...posting funny things my children do and say....sharing the cards i make...all of that would require me to organize my time better, set things up to make it all possible.

i don't know at this point if i am capable of such really. i am just so not...balanced right now. i feel like i am all over the place-getting a little of this and that worked on, but never getting to it all fully. pretty annoying.

i turn 35 next week. oops 36--see...i can't even remember how old i am. perhaps it will all come with age. so far, all i see is that with age, i become a crazier version of my once cute and together self. :) i hope to be back here soon, with something fun and interesting, otherwise i guess i'll just delete this silly thing and move on.

my kids have 3 days of school left and i think i quit 2 weeks ago...i can barely get them out the door. heck i can barely wake up to get them up.....

my baby is ten today

oh goodness.
how is that my youngest baby is ten today? well, after about 1:30pm officially...happy birthday Logan Alexander.
he is growing huge and learning insane amounts of stuff and is a very good hearted boy. however, we have had a rough year with Logan. growing into himself, adjusting to life with his dad in and out- emotional scars left from missing his dad during deployments and daily life. i won't lie, it has been very hard. he has grown far away from the baby/toddler we all nicknamed loverbaby. he is still that same sweet boy in his heart and there are still times when it shines through. bu he is often frustrated, angry with his lack of independence, at odds with his dad, struggling to find a place where he fits in with his sisters. whining at me to either do stuff for him, or upset when asked to do things on his own. an increase in temper tantrums. :( yes, some struggle grwoing into tweendom for this boy.
but at the same time...he is so smart and genuine when he expresses love or concern. he funny in a very smart way. he makes me smile when he shares these random tidbits of information his brain is consuming daily. he has things to tell me all day, so much info, so many questions as he discovers the world around him. he has found a circle of friends that he fits well with, he is growing by leaps and bounds in many ways. his body is just out of control like a puppy when they get in that awkward stage of huge paws and being clumsy... and no coordination. he is a 10 year old boy in a teenagers body with man size feet and hands. :) my sweet boy. he is so special to me. i have to constantly nag at him to do every single thing, cause he is very distracted and doesn't focus well. i know a bit of how that can be. i cannot imagine my life without him, whining and all. he is the first one at my side if i am feeling down, he always wants to share things with his sisters, even if they all fight with one another. he cannot go to bed at night unless i tuck him in...often several times. Logan loves his doggies with all his heart. he reads national geographic magazine, watches the discovery channel and bizzare foods with his dad, will eat just about anything, and a lot of it. he loves legos and once he builds something he takes care not to let anyone touch it. at. all. he will practice lacrosse passes to help camille whenever she asks. he plays and fights with isabelle like an old married couple. he will take her bossing him around for a few hours and then he he has it out with her- which usually results to crying to me. he stays up every night reading the Percy Jackson books, even though he has read them all a few times. even though i tell him its past bedtime. he loves the Greek mythology stuff so much. this years obsession.
so much to love about my baby boy. he has touched my life in ways i can barely put into words. and he will hold my heart forever. i am so lucky that God gave him to me to love and care for, to be my son and i his mama.
xoxo

thanks kristy z.

* a post for my friends kristy.
thank you for your kind words. i thought long and hard and in my heart i am just not ready to leave my babies, even if they are 9,11, & 13. if i don't feel good in my heart about it, it will never turn out right. i am in the process of figuring out a part time thing during school hours only and summers free, and I chatted with a lady today who might be able to make that possible. im not looking for a career either, just something to help fill my days while everyone is away. its been too many years with them all in school and quite frankly its pretty boring with just me all day. :)
thanks kristy- your a good friend. and i needed your caring words. hugs.

am i ready?

(picture of my 3 racing towards the bay)

how do i know if i am ready to be a working mother? are my children ready? is our lifestyle ready? this is what is consuming my brain each day. stressing me out. is this good stress, or bad stress. is it just the jitters of something new? or is it a sign to beware??

i consider myself a good mother. i care deeply for my three, i sacrifice for them, i love them, nurture them, try to teach them, lessen life's struggles for them when i can. encourage them, kiss their boo boos. listen to their stories, cheer them on, tuck them in each and every night, have faith in their amazing abilities, cry inside and often real tears when they are hurting and occasionally freak out at them when they have pushed me over the edge. I have lived already 14 years of my life to the keeping and care and utter devotion of these three wonderful people.

it would benefit us all greatly if i had a job, and an opportunity may be coming up--but so is summer--the carefree days of summer where they need my guidance and love and hovering even more....

what's a mother to do?

penny pinch a little longer...make and sell as many cards as her little chubby fingers can create??? with a military husband gone a lot, we already sacrifice one parents time so much. i don't know if we are ready.

any advise for this struggling mama? anybody?