Tuesday, April 27, 2010

my baby is ten today





oh goodness.
how is that my youngest baby is ten today? well, after about 1:30pm officially...happy birthday Logan Alexander.
he is growing huge and learning insane amounts of stuff and is a very good hearted boy. however, we have had a rough year with Logan. growing into himself, adjusting to life with his dad in and out- emotional scars left from missing his dad during deployments and daily life. i won't lie, it has been very hard. he has grown far away from the baby/toddler we all nicknamed loverbaby. he is still that same sweet boy in his heart and there are still times when it shines through. bu he is often frustrated, angry with his lack of independence, at odds with his dad, struggling to find a place where he fits in with his sisters. whining at me to either do stuff for him, or upset when asked to do things on his own. an increase in temper tantrums. :( yes, some struggle grwoing into tweendom for this boy.
but at the same time...he is so smart and genuine when he expresses love or concern. he funny in a very smart way. he makes me smile when he shares these random tidbits of information his brain is consuming daily. he has things to tell me all day, so much info, so many questions as he discovers the world around him. he has found a circle of friends that he fits well with, he is growing by leaps and bounds in many ways. his body is just out of control like a puppy when they get in that awkward stage of huge paws and being clumsy... and no coordination. he is a 10 year old boy in a teenagers body with man size feet and hands. :) my sweet boy. he is so special to me. i have to constantly nag at him to do every single thing, cause he is very distracted and doesn't focus well. i know a bit of how that can be. i cannot imagine my life without him, whining and all. he is the first one at my side if i am feeling down, he always wants to share things with his sisters, even if they all fight with one another. he cannot go to bed at night unless i tuck him in...often several times. Logan loves his doggies with all his heart. he reads national geographic magazine, watches the discovery channel and bizzare foods with his dad, will eat just about anything, and a lot of it. he loves legos and once he builds something he takes care not to let anyone touch it. at. all. he will practice lacrosse passes to help camille whenever she asks. he plays and fights with isabelle like an old married couple. he will take her bossing him around for a few hours and then he he has it out with her- which usually results to crying to me. he stays up every night reading the Percy Jackson books, even though he has read them all a few times. even though i tell him its past bedtime. he loves the Greek mythology stuff so much. this years obsession.
so much to love about my baby boy. he has touched my life in ways i can barely put into words. and he will hold my heart forever. i am so lucky that God gave him to me to love and care for, to be my son and i his mama.
xoxo

Thursday, April 15, 2010

thanks kristy z.

* a post for my friends kristy.
thank you for your kind words. i thought long and hard and in my heart i am just not ready to leave my babies, even if they are 9,11, & 13. if i don't feel good in my heart about it, it will never turn out right. i am in the process of figuring out a part time thing during school hours only and summers free, and I chatted with a lady today who might be able to make that possible. im not looking for a career either, just something to help fill my days while everyone is away. its been too many years with them all in school and quite frankly its pretty boring with just me all day. :)
thanks kristy- your a good friend. and i needed your caring words. hugs.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

am i ready?

(picture of my 3 racing towards the bay)
how do i know if i am ready to be a working mother? are my children ready? is our lifestyle ready? this is what is consuming my brain each day. stressing me out. is this good stress, or bad stress. is it just the jitters of something new? or is it a sign to beware??
i consider myself a good mother. i care deeply for my three, i sacrifice for them, i love them, nurture them, try to teach them, lessen life's struggles for them when i can. encourage them, kiss their boo boos. listen to their stories, cheer them on, tuck them in each and every night, have faith in their amazing abilities, cry inside and often real tears when they are hurting and occasionally freak out at them when they have pushed me over the edge. I have lived already 14 years of my life to the keeping and care and utter devotion of these three wonderful people.
it would benefit us all greatly if i had a job, and an opportunity may be coming up--but so is summer--the carefree days of summer where they need my guidance and love and hovering even more....
what's a mother to do?
penny pinch a little longer...make and sell as many cards as her little chubby fingers can create??? with a military husband gone a lot, we already sacrifice one parents time so much. i don't know if we are ready.
any advise for this struggling mama? anybody?