Tuesday, April 27, 2010

my baby is ten today





oh goodness.
how is that my youngest baby is ten today? well, after about 1:30pm officially...happy birthday Logan Alexander.
he is growing huge and learning insane amounts of stuff and is a very good hearted boy. however, we have had a rough year with Logan. growing into himself, adjusting to life with his dad in and out- emotional scars left from missing his dad during deployments and daily life. i won't lie, it has been very hard. he has grown far away from the baby/toddler we all nicknamed loverbaby. he is still that same sweet boy in his heart and there are still times when it shines through. bu he is often frustrated, angry with his lack of independence, at odds with his dad, struggling to find a place where he fits in with his sisters. whining at me to either do stuff for him, or upset when asked to do things on his own. an increase in temper tantrums. :( yes, some struggle grwoing into tweendom for this boy.
but at the same time...he is so smart and genuine when he expresses love or concern. he funny in a very smart way. he makes me smile when he shares these random tidbits of information his brain is consuming daily. he has things to tell me all day, so much info, so many questions as he discovers the world around him. he has found a circle of friends that he fits well with, he is growing by leaps and bounds in many ways. his body is just out of control like a puppy when they get in that awkward stage of huge paws and being clumsy... and no coordination. he is a 10 year old boy in a teenagers body with man size feet and hands. :) my sweet boy. he is so special to me. i have to constantly nag at him to do every single thing, cause he is very distracted and doesn't focus well. i know a bit of how that can be. i cannot imagine my life without him, whining and all. he is the first one at my side if i am feeling down, he always wants to share things with his sisters, even if they all fight with one another. he cannot go to bed at night unless i tuck him in...often several times. Logan loves his doggies with all his heart. he reads national geographic magazine, watches the discovery channel and bizzare foods with his dad, will eat just about anything, and a lot of it. he loves legos and once he builds something he takes care not to let anyone touch it. at. all. he will practice lacrosse passes to help camille whenever she asks. he plays and fights with isabelle like an old married couple. he will take her bossing him around for a few hours and then he he has it out with her- which usually results to crying to me. he stays up every night reading the Percy Jackson books, even though he has read them all a few times. even though i tell him its past bedtime. he loves the Greek mythology stuff so much. this years obsession.
so much to love about my baby boy. he has touched my life in ways i can barely put into words. and he will hold my heart forever. i am so lucky that God gave him to me to love and care for, to be my son and i his mama.
xoxo

Thursday, April 15, 2010

thanks kristy z.

* a post for my friends kristy.
thank you for your kind words. i thought long and hard and in my heart i am just not ready to leave my babies, even if they are 9,11, & 13. if i don't feel good in my heart about it, it will never turn out right. i am in the process of figuring out a part time thing during school hours only and summers free, and I chatted with a lady today who might be able to make that possible. im not looking for a career either, just something to help fill my days while everyone is away. its been too many years with them all in school and quite frankly its pretty boring with just me all day. :)
thanks kristy- your a good friend. and i needed your caring words. hugs.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

am i ready?

(picture of my 3 racing towards the bay)
how do i know if i am ready to be a working mother? are my children ready? is our lifestyle ready? this is what is consuming my brain each day. stressing me out. is this good stress, or bad stress. is it just the jitters of something new? or is it a sign to beware??
i consider myself a good mother. i care deeply for my three, i sacrifice for them, i love them, nurture them, try to teach them, lessen life's struggles for them when i can. encourage them, kiss their boo boos. listen to their stories, cheer them on, tuck them in each and every night, have faith in their amazing abilities, cry inside and often real tears when they are hurting and occasionally freak out at them when they have pushed me over the edge. I have lived already 14 years of my life to the keeping and care and utter devotion of these three wonderful people.
it would benefit us all greatly if i had a job, and an opportunity may be coming up--but so is summer--the carefree days of summer where they need my guidance and love and hovering even more....
what's a mother to do?
penny pinch a little longer...make and sell as many cards as her little chubby fingers can create??? with a military husband gone a lot, we already sacrifice one parents time so much. i don't know if we are ready.
any advise for this struggling mama? anybody?

Sunday, March 28, 2010

time goes by...

i know it's already march. almost the end of march. and too much to catch up on. i have been in the process of working on a new website. something more creative oriented. a place that i can post my cards and share all my tinkering. i create all the time. i am too busy being a mom to keep up with family stuff on here. by the time i remember to post my kids are 3 years older.
so i figure if i want to stay in blogland. it will have to be as a way to share my creative stuff. that i can keep up on better i think. and its something i have been wanting to do for a long time.
sometime in april i will be switching gears and my blog will be more crafty good stuff. and maybe a few family pics & notes thrown in. :)
be back soon.
i hope.
xoxo

Saturday, February 6, 2010

the blizzard of 2010











oh goodness---we are getting some SNOW up over here. these pictures are from this morning...but keep in mind we had another foot plus load us down since
its just been coming and coming since early yesterday. everything in the city is closed. we are snowed in....and super tired of changing wet snowy clothes...don't have enough gloves and hats etc. my lame face in the photo is cause i am super sick of being cold...and wiping snow off the floor. :(
luckily we still have power. THANK YOU LORD. and camille is keeping us warm with all her baking skills.
its been fun and lovely to have all this beautiful white snow cover up every possible square inch of our lives, but we are all ready for this to end now. thank you very much.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

mom award


i have officially won the best loser mom award.
ya wanna know why? i'll tell you. i've been having issues with a certain teenager in my home and now i have evidence to confirm my suspicions.
the said teenager has had her cell phone taken away off and on for weeks. i have been nagged, ridiculed, cried at, and been told straight out -i am the strictest--evilest mom there ever was. how could i be so cruel?? all because i knew the accused teenager was dropping out of her regular life for a life of phone crime...losing all interest in daily pastimes, family adventures--even conversations--in an effort to spend every possible second texting on her phone. i knew in my heart it was getting out of hand, but i trusted her to put it away and make good choices. and that is where i made my fatal mistake. but since she is a teenager and i am allowing her that space--cause i want cool mom points and i wanna respect her space too...well i just never thought. i just never thought my straight a student who hates breaking rules with a passion...well i never thought she'd break a rule- esp. my rule. i have so much to learn as a momma. :) we've been going through this for weeks...the air thick...and me wondering if i'm being unfair or lame. questioning myself. wanting to be the best mom.
fast forward to today...when it comes to my attention my once sweet perfect rule abiding teenager, now sassy and breaker of my mom laws--has sent 14,999 texts in a 30 day period. and that is WITH the phone taken away for several hours after school and at bedtime. so this means she does nothing else but text on her phone. NOTHING ELSE. and i am the loser who is allowing this possibility.
i must admit that i am rather proud that my girl can actually type that fast and that much. i mean, come on, one text shy of 15000...in one billing cycle...that's gotta be a record or something. :) i will silently give her props right here for that achievement. however...
the truth remains i am deeply saddened by what it really means. i shouldn't have questioned myself, i should have stuck to my guns and kept the phone if i just wasn't sure. she has abused the privileges i have given, she has lost all interest in every aspect of her life that doesn't involve her phone and "friends". i have no problem with her having friends--of course what she is asking to do with her friends is causing all sorts of other problems for us. she wants to go off and hang at malls, hang at parties with boys, she wants all sorts of things that i don't allow. she basically wants me to let her do what she wants and have no boundaries.
are all teenagers like this? this all feels so hard and stressful and is pushing me to my limits.
where is my lil girl who use to craft with me? where is the girl who chit-chatted my ear off after school? shes still in there--shes just figuring out what she can and cant do. i know. the days when i take the phone away--she finds her way back. she hangs out upstairs, she helps me with cooking, she will even TALK to me a little here and there. so you can see why i have such hard feelings for the cell phone now. i feel like i've let it take my baby girl somewhere i just don't like. and now i need to wear my mom award on my sleeve and don't give in at all.
i want her to have friends. i want her to communicate with them. but this is just stupid--for lack of a better word. and so i am now in possession of 2 phones until further notice.
i wonder how other parents figure out the whole cell phone thing. when she first got it at the start of 6th grade it was so so cool, it gave her an IN when she moved to a new town. and now...well now i feel like i want to smash that phone on the ground and beat the shit out of it- (sorry). its really caused me so much anguish--i rather hate that little white phone.
any suggestions? any help/advice? cause i could sure use it.
xoxo

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

a little bug




* i absolutely could NOT rotate my picture. i did it in Picasa and saved it like 10 times and it still goes back to this sideways shot. oh well. :)





today i got the kids back to school from a 4 day weekend...and literally the minute the bus drove away i felt my insides turn over. i have some kind of a bug doing crazy dances in my stomach. i can hardly stand up it hurts so bad. so i gathered some supplies to set me up on the couch with.

book? check. tums? check. toast? check. twilight movie on the tv? check. crochet hook and yarn??? check.
do i know how to crochet? uncheck. uh, no. i was hoping that i could somehow teach myself. no book on that either. maybe i can find something online in between belly aches. i've been seeing these granny squares blankies around blog town and i want to join in. me and my cold feet just might need one of those -and made by me, even better.

this is one of new years changes. to DO some of the things i have been wanting to do for so long. i always wish i did this or that. but i am pathetic and give up before i even try. well, not this time. yes, crocheting is on my list of little wishes for myself. why not? if it adds joy to my life, a little happiness. i'm a crafty girl...
i'll be on the couch until this little upset tummy goes away. which is too bad really cause i had a long list of things to get to work on today after the kids skadaddled. too bad i can't plan my sickies for those days when i have nothing to do, that would work so much better.
xoxo