hello friends. anyone still checking in on me here? well if you happen to be; i'll let you know that i am taking some time off--cause i really spend so much time here anyway right? just a little time really. maybe there won't be a noticeable difference of my time here. i just am taking my focus off of a lot ive been doing lately to well, do some good things for myself. a time of doing and changing. living my days in a new way. sounds silly maybe? well i have finally figured out that i have spent a large amount of my life very unhappy with myself. well no, i knew this, but i have been very afraid of change. of deciding to be different. of being my best self just for little ol me. i have been living each day as they come. and happy with my family life. i love being Alex's wife, it brings me the best love ever. and being my kids' mommy. well they bring joy and love and happiness in so many little and big ways. but inside my heart, i have felt very sad and confused and jumbled at what makes me happy that i do, just for me. i have not been doing what really makes me happy for my own soul. and i am in a process of discovery and it feels really great and scary and new. deep inside i am ready for a change. a very big one. i have felt the whispers of it for a long time. and now that its screaming inside of me, i am taking action. i have been at a tug of war with myself. and its been slowly making me crazy for a long time. it has held me back from being my best self, someone i could be proud of. ive struggled with low self esteem and confidence my whole life, and i am beginning to see that it is just so silly to be this way. i have talents and good things about myself. ive just been too afraid to act on them. to use them in a way that brings real joy to my life. ive settled for feeling ordinary. and i don't think any of us, is that. we all have so much to give, to be. and i am on the way to getting mine for myself. as girly and sappy or maybe ridiculous as this sounds-- finding my own wings to fly. pretty cool, huh? well i think so. i am turning 35 in june. its about time i bloom into myself in new ways. i need this more than ive needed anything.
i'll pop in from time to time to report on my progress.
have any of you been through something similar? id love to hear some real stories esp. of encouragement.
xoxo
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