happy birthday to me...

yup; today I am 34!!!

I'm feeling it...feeling a little closer to 39ish I think. body aches, tired early, stress. yeah, I'm feeling it. No big plans today to celebrate. Alex took us to dinner at an Italian place last night for dinner--and then later we figured that could be my birthday dinner. :) we are in full swing on the house selling/moving to Maryland thing. So that is taking top priority around here. not sure if I can be as ready as I'd like, as soon as the agent wants me to be to start showing the house, but I'm gonna give it my best shot--aches and pains and all. I have been anxious to get rid of lots of the stuff that we have accumulated and never really use, or stuff that is just old and worn out...I have a hard time letting go of things, I don't make decisons well, and I'm nervous we might need that tiny paper with the random numbers on it again :) but I need to let go of that feeling and now its all about purging, and the closer deadlines are coming, the more I am able to just start chucking things out. That's good. I'm finding my previous 3 years of half finished projects, clothes the kids have obviously outgrown and paper piles are really putting a damper on my ability to get things looking simple and even move on to the actual cleaning of things. I'm nervous about throwing out some 'treasure' that I don't get rid of anything; and now its just impossible to see what we have and what we need in the midst. Alex is popping in during the day here and there, and trying to help me--he's been working on the outside, but not that it is all cleaned and looking pretty, he is going to help on the inside. lets hope we get a lot done real quick.

I am trucking on though. Today is my last full day of 'freedom' without the kids. I'll be cleaning all day--so I have to make it a getalotdone in just a few hours time. tomorrow they end the school year at 11:32 and have their dentist checkup and cleanings at 2pm--and then Friday we officially start summer around here. I think we are all ready for summertime. And if we move to Maryland early enough, we'll get to enjoy some real heat and sunshine and not have to sit in Washington and complain about the rain--we are excited about that--totally excited to move. nervous of a new place, but so far we have enjoyed our gypsy days of moving from place toplace every few years. of course until we get there, and the humidity is hard to take. --there is always something that needs to be complained about--but I think we can ride off the excitement of the new place just fine. I still almost can't believe we are moving across the whole country and finally living on the east coast. my only regret is not having my granny in DC; where she was my whole livelong life until she passed away in 04--I always figured she'd be in her big house on the hill in Capitol Heights forever...and I always dreamed that one day I'd be close enough to visit her and hear stories of when we lived with her back when I was little--makes me so sad--but she lived to be 96--she lived long and loved lots--I'll just think of that when I feel myself missing here while I'm back there.

so--happy birthday to me. I'm having coffee and planning exactly what I need to do today before the kiddos get up.

xoxo

Praise God for...His goodness...

HE IS HOME!!!!

and by that I mean my husband...
Alex arrived home--tired, a bit sick, jet-lagged, stronger and bigger (is that even possible :) ) than when he left--but HOME!
And the hell that has been my life the past 15months has sweetly ended a month or two early.
I almost can't believe he is here. No more worrying for today if he will come home alive. No more panic attacks in the middle of the night...no more lonely sad suck it up and be brave days for a long time. Well, at least for awhile. And that's what I need right now. to treasure these next moments together...as my family is intended to be.

Alex just brings so much happiness to our hearts; to our home. he takes control of things easily, brings order and joy and fun to the kids, and simply adores me...and I've missed that so terribly much.

Adjustments are surely to come, but I don't care. I can handle anything with him at my side. Nothing else matters when you welcome your soldier home. nothing else ...compares to the love, and joy, and thankfulness you feel when you see his smiling face again. when you see your sweet babies overwhelmed with happiness to be in his arms...to trail at his feet, and not have him leave their sides...just to be in his presence again...to wake up and find him in our home, to hear his voice, to know that he is safe....there are so many words that I can think of; but none that really truly explain how it all feels. the insane emotions...

my heart feels whole again.
Thank you Lord for making this all possible.

xoxox

(pictures to follow)

still waiting...reading and not cleaning

not.very.patient.

this is hard sitting here waiting. so much i could be doing. but i cannot do a dang thing.my mind is too excited and tired and ready...so im sitting here just screwing off. no, the carpets will not be clean, who was i kidding? i don't have that kind of energy today of all days. i guess i can do small things, that will fill the time. clean up breakfast dishes, clean off the computer table. put a table cloth on the dining table. sweep off the cobwebs on the porch. clean out the truck. waiting just sucks. i'm not so good at it.

the thing is --its also raining---the dark gloomy non stop rain, so that just put a huge nasty cloud on my day. i don't want the rain affecting my mood. i certainly don't want it ruining my hair. we've spoke of the hair issues i don't even want to go there today. see...
waiting puts me in a weird mood.

*new subject:
i've been reading THE HOST ...i bought it cause i loved the other stephanie m. books, and this one was huge and it looked like just the thing to get me through these last days of waiting...its been hard at first to get into it, like i did the Twilight series. not that i was into vampires by any means, but like the masses, i loved those books. and after reading them decided that good, handsome, beautiful vampires-- the kind that only eat on wild animals, and fall in love with regular girls and boys are okay with me. we could be friends even.
but this Host book. i dunno. so far its about this soul named wanderer that gets implanted into this girl melanie and the soul is suppose to take over the girls body, but instead the girls mind and soul is still there--and talks to the soul and drives the soul crazy with all her thoughts and memories of her life. honestly, if someone would have said this story to me i would have laughed and said, uh yeah right, sounds great --i won't be reading that one. but i couldn't sleep last night and so i stayed up reading some more, and of course it got to me finally. there is a love story in there somewhere and THAT is what does it for me. i am a total sucker for a love story...even if it involves implanted souls in the brains of human hosts. i'm serious, cause its silly that i'm even reading this, i don't go for sciencefictiony stuff... but here i am ...excited to see what happens next...about to go sit with my coffee and keep reading, ignoring the cleaning i thought i wanted to get done.

i really love to read. it has been one of the great joys of my life. i got my degree in english, just so i could read all the time...i'm not the kind of girl who reads nonfiction books--not by choice...well only sometimes if its really needed, like to inspire me or help me with all of my issues. i need me a good story, the kind that you can get lost in, where amazing and heartbreaking things happen to everyone, the kind where you imagine yourself as the characters...or meet people that would never enter your daily life. ive fallen in love with cowboys, traveled to far off places...been apart of a witches community...you name it...so many good stories to fill my mind and take me away. not that i need to be 'taken away' but the days of being a stay at home mommy just run into each other. and how else am i to go on all these adventures in the middle of cooking dinner and helping with homework??? the one funny thing about my bad memory and all my reading, is once i'm finished with my book, i can hardly remember the name of it...its almost like i use them for their stories and move on without a back glance...which i'm not proud of, but it happens almost every time....

so.
off to wait some more. and not clean up; but think about doing it later...
and see whats happening with the soul wanderer and her host melanie... and maybe clean up after ive read some more.

:)
xoxo

SOON SOON SOON!!!

Ok....mine is the bottom right guy...not the most attractive picture...of my man cramped into a military plane...sweating like crazy....his annoyed face in full throttle...

but this is good news for us...Im overwhelmed with excitment and all kinds of other feelings. It cannot happen soon enough...

so. very. soon.

xoxox

hair issues. of course.

ok...I know I'm looking BLAH in that there photo to the left --but honestly its how I've been feeling lately. I have just been an emotional wreck. It's horrible to be me right now. I can't seem to get my feelings, emotions, and moods in check. Do you ever have those days? Well mine are turning into weeks...and frankly I'm so sick of this crap. I just can't seem to get out of this funk.

So in all my craziness...I'm thinking of my damn hair, again. I don't really like the haircut I just recently got. It's already grown out and not so polished looking. And I mean who was I kidding? I don't have nice straight hair. It takes just as much effort to get it straight and keep it just so as it did to curl it up all big and spray it, I was trying to go for easy. I have, I wanna say coarse hair, but I don't think that's the word I'm looking for. I have frizzy hair, that kinda turns this way and that...which is why whether I have it long or straight I always go back to flipping the ends, or curling everything. Cause I cannot do just the whole wash it and go thing. Never have, and never will I guess. And another thing: I like big hair; as a matter of fact, I LOVE BIG HAIR. Its who I am. So that's another thing that annoys me. Why am I trying to be something I'm not. I need big curled up hairstyles, the more hairspray the better!!! There I said it. so...I'm gonna let this grow back out, so I can at least get it looking like the top photo...SEE: flipped, curled and big. Just the way I like it.

Am I the only one with crazy hair issues??? I'm so jealous of those girls that find the perfect style for them, and they look timeless and beautiful. I guess it's always something. Today it is my hair. Tomorrow, however, it will most likely be my weight...that's a whole other post....and I'm too moody today to go into THAT!!!

xoxox

ps... BIG things (huge and manly) coming next week for this family; and it's about ding dang time!!!!

Memorial Day 2008

Today is Memorial Day.

I don't know a lot about my relatives or past generations who may have fought in previous wars. The only time I really thought about those wars was when I was in school studying any of it, whether that be when I was young or in college.

But I do currently have my own soldier, who has fought in a war...a couple of times, the past few years. All I know to say is that I am proud of him, for his sacrifices, for his honor to our country, for his strength to care for and lead his soldiers the way he does. For how smart he is in the job he does. For his dedication to the Army, and his job, and our country.

When he left this past time, we made arrangements for him to be buried in the Arlington National Cemetery if the need arise...you have to take care of such things when wars and soldiers are involved you know? At first I did not want him there, I felt it didn't have a connection to "us" our family. I didn't really understand why he would want such a thing. I would want him in a cemetery close to us somewhere so we could visit his grave. Well, after talking to him, I realized what an honor it would be for him to be laid to rest with other brave soldiers in a historic place. It would bestow great honor on his leaving this earth as has the job he has had. I get it now. I hope to God, and pray every day I never have to deal with these things. But I am proud of him for all of it. If Alex was not a soldier, I don't think my understanding of wars, and the sacrifices would be fully understood. It would all feel like something I see on the news, or have read about in books; but instead, we as a family are living it everyday. So, today as my children and I pause for prayer and remembrance of all those fallen, we also take a moment to pray and remember our own soldier, our daddy and husband who will be -God willing- with us again very soon.

xoxo

this week so far...

I wish I could figure out how to insert text in between photos, but I cannot.

anyone who knows how to do this would be a great help to me.

so anyway, happy thursday.

what's up in our little world this week? let's see....

Spring is finally showing its face in our back yard...we have a beautiful flowering tree...its my favorite of everything in the back yard. I don't know what it is, but every spring it grows these pretty white flowers for about 3 weeks, and then they all fall off all over the yard....it's really kinda sad that the flowers only get to live for so long. but I do look forward to seeing them each spring.

logan has been playing with some of his birthday toys. which is a huge relief; cause dontcha hate it when you buy your kids something they have been begging for and then they never play with it again? this happens A LOT around here.

as I'm going through all of my craft stuff for purging/moving...I notice my punch basket is really overgrown. I mean how many punches do I really need? then again, you'd be surprised. I think I NEED them all, so far I can't part with any of them. I'm justifying this in my head by reminding myself that I allow the kids to use them, so they are worth keeping. so, in that line of thinking, maybe I get to keep everything I own, if I share it with my kids? hmmmm...something to consider.

I took a photo of logan at yesterdays breakfast..I know I'm forgetting LOTS of stuff lately; but I know for a fact, that I did not put THAT much syrup on his plate....yuck! That may be the reason behind all the hyped up behaviors after school, he was still high off breakfast. of course.

and lastly here is me.

I'm not so sure how I feel about the stripes in that shirt. I never wear polo-ish looking shirts, but how could I not get a pumpkin orange and prettyinpink striped top? I mean, hello? I needed something to go with those bangin' earrings I found!!!!

so, that's really been our week so far. trees, toys and earrings. sounds fine to me.

today I have lots of garage stuff to go through. last night I went through three bins that have been packed up since we left Arizona in may 2005...and guess what, I emptied them all, and only saved a few things that were letters and memorabilia from long ago....I can't believe I've had that taking up all that room for almost 3 years here and we didn't need any of it. that's a good indicator of how I usually do things....out of sight out of mind, until the next move when I have to deal with it.

well its now 7am, so I better get the day going...

xoxo