happy new year!!

i am so ready for a new year. 2013 was a dark year of struggle and heartache (to include blessings yes, yes- of course. but the negative far outweighed the positive) and i am really looking forward to the healing and LIGHT that 2014 will bring.

time flies....

wow.
it's been a looong time.i almost didn't come back here. it's not that i forgot i had a blog~ it's always been in the back of my mind...somewhere. it's just LIFE can be so busy and messy and next thing you know: all of those intentions are lost in the chaos.
so here i am again.
trying to find my way back to doing something i really wanted to do~just for me.

*we began a new adventure in the glorious california sunshine ~ january 2013.

i am looking forward to posting about:
1. my crazy random thoughts & feelings (must clear my mind somehow)
2. my creative projects (this can be motivation to DO the projects)
3. my chaotic family adventures (those are in abundance if you know us at all)

be back soon.
xo

back to school august 2011

a few pictures to start the school year off.

oh goodness. how do these kids keep getting bigger. summer was fun, both long and short somehow. the williams family has always loved going back to school. routines, papers & pens, friends, so much to learn about, so many possibilities.  as much as i welcome the days with them at school and not at home bickering their heads off at each other-  i am a little sad that they keep getting older and are not little babies anymore. i mean this year is huge for us. no more elementary school. i have a highschooler for goodness sakes. a tiny bit of mixed emotions about all that. but i just LOVE back to school time. :)

*it just dawned on me that this was the first year that i forgot to slip a sweet note into their lunch bags for the first day. oh, i can't believe i forgot. what a bummer. well, they haven't even mentioned it either, so maybe its no big deal. but still.

Prayer of St. Ignatius Loyola

i was led to this prayer tonight. i think i will need to remind myself of these important words, over and over again.

Dearest Lord,
teach me to be generous;
teach me to serve You as You deserve;
to give and not to count the cost,
to fight and not to heed the wounds,
to toil and not to seek for rest,
to labour and not to ask for reward
save that of knowing I am doing Your Will

it makes me want to continue making my prayer books. i use to make mini prayer/scripture books for friends and special gifts. it has been years since i have made one. i think it's time to work on one again. and i know just who needs one. :)

*note: i do not know where i got this photo from, its been in my picture gallery for a long time. so i apologize if i have used it without permission. i just really love the image of mary- hands in prayer...reminding me what i need to do as well.

Soul Restoration 1

so i signed myself up for soul restoration one online at bravegirlsclub. i have probably needed to do something like this for a long time. i start and stop at looking within and figuring out what i need for myself. and then i get all tangled in my own webs....good or bad...and don't know where to go or what to do for myself. several times this past year i have thought about joining this online class. i gave myself many excuses not to bother. blah blah blah. one thing i love about the whole concept is the art part. i have always loved paper arts. its my passion. and i get to journal. hello. i love to journal. i have done it my whole life. one thing ive done is throw away and tear up my journals because they are my own and personal and after i finish one, i dont want to go back to those places. i want to move forward. but i have to write things out or they get stuck and i cant think straight. maybe thats weird, but its true for me. this time i am going to keep my journals and projects because they will show how i have grown during this time. ive known about brave girls club for awhile. it would be a dream to go. of course. but i am always at home, never able to get away. so this online class is the next best thing. i plan to take the second one when it's offered again after i do the first one. i can relate to the whole crack house concept....take the class and you'll understand. ive lived in a crack house before... i am well aware of the ways my soul is hurt and needs to heal. it will be a life long process. this is a perfect time for me to try a hand at healing and moving forward once again. alex is still out saving the world, so i have months ahead of me to think, and pray and work hard and grow and create. today i am kicking everyone out of my soul house...and i'm gonna start restoring things.  i am so happy that i pushed myself to do this. so so happy and proud of me for being brave...all for myself.

july 1st...something to celebrate

stampin up! has just released their newest catalog today. what a thing to celebrate. every year i say the newest catalog is my favorite and i'm telling you this is it. my favorite! the cover alone is beautiful. i just placed a huge order of goodies....i could not help myself. anyone who wants or needs a catalog, let me know. you can shoot me an email or even order one online on my su! website. seriously, you will want it for the ideas alone. stunning. i can't stop looking at it. the color combinations and wowing me. and the new in-colors...oh you just have to see. :)

http://sherrylwilliams.stampinup.net

you can browse the catalog through my site as well. good stuff.

june already

i guess i just couldn't find time this spring to blog. perhaps summer will work. maybe. hopefully.

goodbyes

goodbyes are never easy. ever. no matter how many times we do this.

a last thought...

for me tonight. i read this quote online this evening and it just fits so perfectly with what my family is going through right now:

"Start by doing what's neccessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible." - St. Francis of Assisi

Thank you Lord for the reminder. :)

ps. its ash wednesday

it's not that i forgot. i have remembered our lord on this day. and every day. i know and remember every day that i am a sinner. i look forward to this time of lent. i have much to think about, repent about, pray about. and the bonus of fasting to jump start my weight loss is always a plus. :) i can't make it to ash wednesday mass today. but i will read my scriptures and fast. do you participate in lent?

i am trying

ok. so i know that sounds like bull. in my defense, i really am trying. i am unorganized, easily distracted, and i never EVER make a to do list. not one that i look at or do anything with. it is my downfall i know. with that said. i am going to try my hardest to get back into blogging. ok, well not really back into it. cause i was never really good at it. i am so much more interesting then what i put here. well, at least i hope so, cause this blog has been pathetic for years. since the eagle is flying the coop for awhile, i thought i would try to post here to fill my time and days. seriously, so much happens in my day to day life, why not share some of the funny, amazing, embarrassing, creative, down right chaotic things i go through. since i am just awful at calling my friends on the phone- as you know, maybe i can play catch up here. sounds good to me. :)

let's begin:

today i will post a few pictures to catch everyone up on the williams family. my kids are growing like weeds. totally. ive tried to cut them back, but they just keep growing. the girls are exactly my height. 5'2". crazy. cam's feet are the size mine were when i was pregnant with her..a size 6.5. oh how i wish. mine grew after 3 babies. maybe they needed to be bigger to help carry around the bigger butt that came with it. it makes sense. she has great abs too....a tiny waist. i sound jealous of my tween/teen. oh i am just remembering the good old days, when i use to be skinny and swore i was fat. i wish i could go back and smack that girl and tell her be thankful...it could all change. :) izzy's legs are longer than mine and cam's. which is funny since we are all the same height, but she's got those long skinny legs- the ones that look fabulous in skirts and high heels. and we know this, cause she struts around the house in her heels. i have never worn heels. nor will i. man i wish i had those legs though. lucky girlie. :)

i'm just babbling on about my girls, they would probably be like mom how rude don't talk about us on here. i am very proud of them. they are beautiful and smart and funny. so i'm allowed.

and logan too. he's about an inch shorter than us. i really hope he gets to be 6'4" like his dad. wouldn't it be funny to have this tiny family and then alex is all big. i like him that way, as i've said before. he is strong and can do anything. so of course i hope logan grows up to be just like him. he tends to grow out first and then up...so that's where he is at right now. my baby 5th grader. :)

lacrosse just started for camille so she is back to sit ups, walking the dogs and running. she gets in amazing shape when she is doing sports- a very strong girl. i love that about spring time- my kids are out and about, action packed....i need to let them inspire me to do the same (walking- no lacrosee or mma for me thank you). logan and izzybelles are still into mma. as long as i don't have my own ufc matches right in my living room, i am good with it. logan is amazing at remembering all the rules and how to do the moves. izzy is good at just going for it. her no fear plays well in this. now if i could just combine the two they would be undefeated. :) maybe they can learn from one another...i said maybe.

school is going fine. they brought home progress reports- whatever they are called now. and they are all doing super. i couldn't ask for more in the learning department. they are little sponges just soaking it all in. teaching me things all the time, so it's kinda like i am still in school. although math is still not my best subject. the kids wonder how i passed college math if i cannot do 5th, 7th or 8th grade math? yeah, i'm really not sure how that happened. i can't remember how to do anything. thank goodness for the internet, how on earth could i help my kids with their homework otherwise. see i'm just rambling away...

i will make a list (cause you know i am so good at it) and come up with some way cooler things to blog about. today is just about getting started. taking that first step. forward. remembering this blog of mine and what it could mean for me.

anyone who comments will get a hand stamped card from me. (if i have your adddress, if not you can email it to me.) i already have the cards made...they are cute....i'm just sayin...

NOTE * so to prove that i really am disorganized, i could only find a picture of myself and the dogs. so there we are. i'll come back and add the rest, after i figure out where they are. probably still on my camera card. now if i could just find my camera...

christmas time

We are home together enjoying Christmas- and all the days leading up to back to school in Jan. and the end of the season.

I don't think anyone else is still bothering with this blog- including me. So some good news is that I am working on a new look, and some new updated blog posts AND a new online card shop in the early new year. I can't wait.

xoxo

today

i am so happy autumn has arrived. it is my absolute FAVORITE time of year. i say this every year...really i walk around announcing it to my family at all possible moments. i just LOVE it. perhaps it's because it means summer has ended. and even though we had a very good enjoyable summer, i love when it ends. i am completely crazy with my time. i cannot keep track of anything and so when summer arrives my household gets very chaotic. busy, even fun at times, but def. CRAZY><
so with fall, the kids are back to school, the weather is perfect for just everything. ya know, cause i am such an outdoorsy kind of girl. no- i am not. but i do enjoy the cooler yet still warmish weather. the colors are what sets everything up for me. the leaves are to die for. reds. yellows, oranges, burgundy even. the mosquitoes are sorta disappearing. the skies are so blue and fresh. i don't know i just have a bounce in my step in the fall.
my livingroom is even decorated in those colors cause they just make me feel happy and comfortable.
i am so babbling about this.
i am currently having coffee so i can get my kids to the library and mma without passing out. somebody...i won't call names, was snoring so loud i ended up sleeping on the couch...with henry the staffy. and it was good times let me tell you. my neck and back have been reminding me of it all day. :)
i feel good about my accomplishments today. i made dinner at 3:45pm and got izzy a stack of halloween costumes to choose from. (will be returning what she doesn't like).
the best part i called my friend who i have been forgetting to call and even though she was probably working, i called and it has been something ive been wanting to do for days.
i also did 2 loads of laundry...though it still sits to be folded and put away.
i will be back as soon as i can with some recent updated pics of things around here.

back to school and a few cards...finally

the kids went back to school this week. i went back to creating, cleaning...and a little more calm. :)

we had a long good summer. busy, but good busy. i am glad its back to school. i've always loved the routine that school gives our days in the fall, it is usually very needed after the chaos of summer days. so far- we have all been able to get up and out the door without any problems. so happy about that. :)

i really hope my kids have a good school year. Logan is in 5th grade and the girls are in 7th & 8th. our last year with an elementary schl kid. next year i will have 2 middle schoolers and a highschooler. jeez. it amazes me that my children get older each year. there are moments when i look at them, and instead of seeing these tweens, and teen...i am seeing their baby or toddler faces....and so i just can't understand how that sweet baby could be gone to yearbook camp, or playing guitar, or wrestling some kid at mma...

i am so happy that i still get to stay at home with them and cherish all these moments. we have more than enough drama, but i feel so blessed to be a part of the routine of their every day lives.

i took a pic of each of them as they slipped out the door on their first day back to school...happy shiny faces all around.

and here are a few cards i have worked on recently. and more to come. i have promised myself at least an hour of creating time each day once i get my cleaning done. so far i've kept up with both-- i love when that happens. :)

xoxo

sweet kids

my three sweeties just came back from a week long overnight camp trip for military kids. totally fun and exciting. all three said, it was the BEST week of their life. :)

i am so happy they got to experience such adventures.

they are still thinking of things to talk about. and even calling and texting (and visiting) friends they made up there from other states. just so so cool.

north bay summer camp is an amazing place with really cool counselors and staff. i thank them again here for doing such a great job caring for & exploring the outdoors with my children. and for making a whole group of military kids feel beyond special. i can't wait to develop their disposable cameras to see their time through their perspective.

happy anniversary to my handsome

* alex always gives silly faces in pictures- esp. with me in it, cause thats just the way he rolls. this is his trying to look girlie and sweet face. :)

today we celebrate so many many years of love and craziness. i wouldn't want it any other way. he can piss me off to the point of rage, and melt my heart with just a look. he never remembers to buy gifts on special days, but he will show up with a lil chocolate somehow knowing just when i need it. he calls me silly names like tiny, and shanicqua, and b-nasty (that on is the silliest cause it just doesn't apply- which is why he loves it and even sent me a shirt from iraq that said b nasty on the front & team williams on the back).

he does things like making that shirt for me...little ways to show me he loves me. he never cleans ANYTHING. i mean anything -in the house. ever. dishes? no. bathrooms? no, ever nothing. BUT he does do ALL the yardwork outside if he is home and that is an even exchange (mostly) for the outside, cause i really hate yard work. he comes to my rescue after i call him crying when i find that one of the dogs has killed an animal... like when he came home from a 4 day survival army thing in the middle of who knows where- sleep deprived and had to dispose of the mother possum and her opened belly containing lil babies that crawled up to our front tree and died...

he always takes my side with kid issues ( i wish i did this better myself). i always learn something new from him- like last night he told me he really hates the word lap. hmm...i never knew that about him. :)

i love that he is 6'4 255 (plus on occasion) and i will ALWAYS look smaller next to him regardless of how much weight ive gained. :) he is the best guy i know even with a bit of a temper. gosh i could go on and on really.

he is so good at his army job-and he loves what he does. i am proud of him and he is proud of himself. it is an honor to be married to a such a good soldier. i love how everyone flocks to him. he makes friends so easily. guys just want to hang out with him, its funny cause i am such the opposite. he is the social butterfly and i am so shy and awkward. i good pair i guess. i love that he sings when he is home. he cant sing worth a darn, but i love hearing him. i usually tell him to stop, but he doesn't. and i don't really want him to. when he is gone, i miss hearing him the most. i love that he tries to push me to be better. he always has dreams and goals and he wants the same for me. i love how he takes the kids biking or the the gym with him on the weekends, giving them time together and me some solo time. i love that he is so happy watching ufc all the time and can share the mma stuff with logan. he is literally fearless and it amazes me constantly. i love how he teaches the girls to be strong and not afraid of anything. i love how he walks into the kitchen and puts me in some sort of arm bar or hold. i love how he talks boy stuff with logan so easily-cause im just so girlie for all that. i love how he makes fun of the things i love- cause its his way of showing me he knows what i love- and loves me back. i love most that he believes in me to care for everything, the house, the kids, the bills and know i can handle it all so he can focus on his stuff. and i love how when i cant handle it all he comes in just when i need him. i love that we can sit and laugh together at all the crazy silly things we experience as a family. cause we have so many stories. things just happen to us, chaos follows us all the time and its good we can laugh about it. :) so much to say about loving him.

its funny that i met him at 18 and i just turned 36 a few days ago...we've been together so long. and it makes me so happy to say that.

so happy love day to us.

time

time seems to have a way of getting away from me. hours turn into days that turn into weeks and next thing i know, i have stumbled into the end or middle of a new month without knowing what the heck i have been doing with my time.

i have SO MUCH i want to do, and then the list of what i actually do is rather small in comparison. my blog being one. its so lame and boring. i wouldn't even want to come back here and read it. i leave it on with the hopes that i will get my butt in gear and surprise myself...posting funny things my children do and say....sharing the cards i make...all of that would require me to organize my time better, set things up to make it all possible.

i don't know at this point if i am capable of such really. i am just so not...balanced right now. i feel like i am all over the place-getting a little of this and that worked on, but never getting to it all fully. pretty annoying.

i turn 35 next week. oops 36--see...i can't even remember how old i am. perhaps it will all come with age. so far, all i see is that with age, i become a crazier version of my once cute and together self. :) i hope to be back here soon, with something fun and interesting, otherwise i guess i'll just delete this silly thing and move on.

my kids have 3 days of school left and i think i quit 2 weeks ago...i can barely get them out the door. heck i can barely wake up to get them up.....

my baby is ten today

oh goodness.
how is that my youngest baby is ten today? well, after about 1:30pm officially...happy birthday Logan Alexander.
he is growing huge and learning insane amounts of stuff and is a very good hearted boy. however, we have had a rough year with Logan. growing into himself, adjusting to life with his dad in and out- emotional scars left from missing his dad during deployments and daily life. i won't lie, it has been very hard. he has grown far away from the baby/toddler we all nicknamed loverbaby. he is still that same sweet boy in his heart and there are still times when it shines through. bu he is often frustrated, angry with his lack of independence, at odds with his dad, struggling to find a place where he fits in with his sisters. whining at me to either do stuff for him, or upset when asked to do things on his own. an increase in temper tantrums. :( yes, some struggle grwoing into tweendom for this boy.
but at the same time...he is so smart and genuine when he expresses love or concern. he funny in a very smart way. he makes me smile when he shares these random tidbits of information his brain is consuming daily. he has things to tell me all day, so much info, so many questions as he discovers the world around him. he has found a circle of friends that he fits well with, he is growing by leaps and bounds in many ways. his body is just out of control like a puppy when they get in that awkward stage of huge paws and being clumsy... and no coordination. he is a 10 year old boy in a teenagers body with man size feet and hands. :) my sweet boy. he is so special to me. i have to constantly nag at him to do every single thing, cause he is very distracted and doesn't focus well. i know a bit of how that can be. i cannot imagine my life without him, whining and all. he is the first one at my side if i am feeling down, he always wants to share things with his sisters, even if they all fight with one another. he cannot go to bed at night unless i tuck him in...often several times. Logan loves his doggies with all his heart. he reads national geographic magazine, watches the discovery channel and bizzare foods with his dad, will eat just about anything, and a lot of it. he loves legos and once he builds something he takes care not to let anyone touch it. at. all. he will practice lacrosse passes to help camille whenever she asks. he plays and fights with isabelle like an old married couple. he will take her bossing him around for a few hours and then he he has it out with her- which usually results to crying to me. he stays up every night reading the Percy Jackson books, even though he has read them all a few times. even though i tell him its past bedtime. he loves the Greek mythology stuff so much. this years obsession.
so much to love about my baby boy. he has touched my life in ways i can barely put into words. and he will hold my heart forever. i am so lucky that God gave him to me to love and care for, to be my son and i his mama.
xoxo

thanks kristy z.

* a post for my friends kristy.
thank you for your kind words. i thought long and hard and in my heart i am just not ready to leave my babies, even if they are 9,11, & 13. if i don't feel good in my heart about it, it will never turn out right. i am in the process of figuring out a part time thing during school hours only and summers free, and I chatted with a lady today who might be able to make that possible. im not looking for a career either, just something to help fill my days while everyone is away. its been too many years with them all in school and quite frankly its pretty boring with just me all day. :)
thanks kristy- your a good friend. and i needed your caring words. hugs.

am i ready?

(picture of my 3 racing towards the bay)

how do i know if i am ready to be a working mother? are my children ready? is our lifestyle ready? this is what is consuming my brain each day. stressing me out. is this good stress, or bad stress. is it just the jitters of something new? or is it a sign to beware??

i consider myself a good mother. i care deeply for my three, i sacrifice for them, i love them, nurture them, try to teach them, lessen life's struggles for them when i can. encourage them, kiss their boo boos. listen to their stories, cheer them on, tuck them in each and every night, have faith in their amazing abilities, cry inside and often real tears when they are hurting and occasionally freak out at them when they have pushed me over the edge. I have lived already 14 years of my life to the keeping and care and utter devotion of these three wonderful people.

it would benefit us all greatly if i had a job, and an opportunity may be coming up--but so is summer--the carefree days of summer where they need my guidance and love and hovering even more....

what's a mother to do?

penny pinch a little longer...make and sell as many cards as her little chubby fingers can create??? with a military husband gone a lot, we already sacrifice one parents time so much. i don't know if we are ready.

any advise for this struggling mama? anybody?