is april almost over??

well. another month gone by. time feels so much quicker lately. i can't get a handle on it at all. too many things to do, and the day ends before half feels done.
i am progressing on keeping the house clean. boring as that really is, it must be done. its a very thankless job. honestly i don't think anyone in the house comes home and says to me how wonderful anything looks cause its clean or picked up. they don't really care. of course all hell breaks loose if they are in need of something to be cleaned that isn't. oh--that's quick to draw some attention. I'm not complaining, just taking note for future reference. i will say that i take no pride in cleaning. i get no satisfaction during the job itself. i can hardly stay on task, i come up with a million and one excuses...but once its done, i do remember to tell myself how great it is that i did it. of course seeing the toothpaste smeared in the bathroom sink on a daily basis, after Ive done this cleaning, is kinda a low point. if things could just stay cleaned up a tad bit longer once Ive done them, well then, i wouldn't care if no one appreciates it. Id be happy and that would be enough. but it doesn't work that way. nope.
i have been successfully doing my chores each day. and I've discovered ants come in the spring time no matter what...inside the kitchen, or laundry room if there is the tiniest crumb on the counter and they trail in for days on end searching for that crumb...so as annoying as that makes me each time, it has also become my motivator for cleaning the kitchen all day....that's sorta a good thing.

other than all the cleaning i'm trying to keep up with. i'm just busy doing my thing. kids have practice during the week for sports and school activities, so i am rushing out the door to pick up and drop off once homework and snacks are finished. i slide back in to make some kind of dinner and rush the bedtime routine...to spend some time with big A if he's around, or to settle into my my current book.

in creative news, i am working on the craft fair for the kids school. i have decided to have a table of my little paper things. i went through a whole week of motivational speaking (to myself) and saying that if an opportunity came up--i would take it. and then i got the email about the craft show at school and i just did it. i am happy about it, it just takes more time than i thought to get stuff done, esp when i have a deadline. but i am working and it will be here next Friday and i am happy to be a part of it. i really hope people like my stuff and want to purchase some. (at least enough to cover the cost of being a part of it. :)

well i have more to do before days end. no picture today nothing new uploaded yet.
xoxo

not a very long break...a few words

my izzys back. isabelle went to san diego for spring break. she had a great time. she came home and has been sassing me ever since. reminds me of the summer camille went and came home acting like a lame teenager...minus the teen age. i think she was 9? maybe 10? but it lasted a few weeks. hopefully not so long with izzy.

well, im glad to have her back regardless. she had a super time with meema and cant wait to go again.

i seem to be having a personal rough patch to get through lately. all my talk or i should say, pep talk about finally figuring things out. well, maybe it wasn't so long lived. feeling down the past few days. so tonight i am going to put the kids to bed early and the dogs, hopefully that works. take a nice warm bath and read my book. right now I'm reading something by nora roberts. i never remember the titles of her books. they are all kinda similar in some way or another, but it keeps my restless mind busy. and ive read everything else i have here. reading helps me fall asleep. after a few days of rain--heavy pouring rain-- i am looking forward to this day ending and maybe some real sunshine tomorrow. lets pray for that shall we? i could sure use it.

i have been working on some super cute bookmarks and if the sun comes out tomorrow i can take some decent photos of them. just using bits of this and that from my paper scraps. love how they are turning out. but still don't feel motivated enough to work on anything bigger than a 2 1/2" x 7" book mark. they are easy to make and the kids love them. we go through them like water...forgetting to pull them from the last book we read...

maybe ill start leaving pretty book marks in the library books i check out...a little gift for the next reader. cute idea!! camille found a grocery list in her last book, not as fun...although it reminded us we needed bread too! :)

off to an early night.

xoxo

a time for change....

hello friends. anyone still checking in on me here? well if you happen to be; i'll let you know that i am taking some time off--cause i really spend so much time here anyway right? just a little time really. maybe there won't be a noticeable difference of my time here. i just am taking my focus off of a lot ive been doing lately to well, do some good things for myself. a time of doing and changing. living my days in a new way. sounds silly maybe? well i have finally figured out that i have spent a large amount of my life very unhappy with myself. well no, i knew this, but i have been very afraid of change. of deciding to be different. of being my best self just for little ol me. i have been living each day as they come. and happy with my family life. i love being Alex's wife, it brings me the best love ever. and being my kids' mommy. well they bring joy and love and happiness in so many little and big ways. but inside my heart, i have felt very sad and confused and jumbled at what makes me happy that i do, just for me. i have not been doing what really makes me happy for my own soul. and i am in a process of discovery and it feels really great and scary and new. deep inside i am ready for a change. a very big one. i have felt the whispers of it for a long time. and now that its screaming inside of me, i am taking action. i have been at a tug of war with myself. and its been slowly making me crazy for a long time. it has held me back from being my best self, someone i could be proud of. ive struggled with low self esteem and confidence my whole life, and i am beginning to see that it is just so silly to be this way. i have talents and good things about myself. ive just been too afraid to act on them. to use them in a way that brings real joy to my life. ive settled for feeling ordinary. and i don't think any of us, is that. we all have so much to give, to be. and i am on the way to getting mine for myself. as girly and sappy or maybe ridiculous as this sounds-- finding my own wings to fly. pretty cool, huh? well i think so. i am turning 35 in june. its about time i bloom into myself in new ways. i need this more than ive needed anything.

i'll pop in from time to time to report on my progress.
have any of you been through something similar? id love to hear some real stories esp. of encouragement.
xoxo